January 24
by StylishFashionista
Summary: Katniss Everdeen was a strong, independent woman. But after that day, she closed up, only opening up to a certain baker. Everlark modern AU oneshot


**Katniss**

"Okay," my coach, Haymitch, said in the huddle. "Thanks to Brutus here, we're facing a tie for the last 30 seconds of the game."

He turned to glare at Brutus, using up a bit of our 60 seconds of our timeout. Brutus' eyes just widened in response. "What?! You're blaming me!"

"Well, duh," he said as if it was obvious. "You cost us the goal!"

Brutus scoffed, mumbling loudly, "Says the alcoholic." Haymitch being an alcoholic was true. We always brought it up.

But Haymitch continued talking, ignoring Brutus. "But, either way, since we have limited time, let's go with Play 0 and hope for the best."

We all nodded, putting our helmets back on and heading towards the field. I played field hockey for my school team. It was sometimes a little awkward because I was the only girl on the team, but I still survived. We had 10 main plays, Play 0, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9. Remembering them all was complicated, but we all did eventually.

I ran over to the other side to play offense. Before I knew it, the whistle blew, and all of us were rushing towards the ball. I stayed far back from the middle of the field and positioned myself right next to the goal. A person on the other team slammed his stick into the ball, and it ended up charging straight to me. Quickly, I hit it towards the goal, and since the goalie didn't have enough time to respond due to my proximity, it went into the net. A second later, the whistle blew. I smiled. _I did it. I made the deciding goal._

I went over to my team, which all high fived me.

"Great job Katniss!"

"Nice shot, Kat!"

"Thanks for the win!"

I smiled at all of them.

"Thanks!"

My best friend on the team, Thresh, motioned to me. "There's a party at my house. It starts in a few. You planning on coming?"

Thresh was famous around this town for hosting the biggest parties. I shook my head. "Can't. Parents want me home ASAP."

Thresh's face dropped a little; it was almost unnoticeable. "Well, that sucks. See you tomorrow then."

I nodded before turning around to the girl's locker room. It was weird being the only girl on the team. The boy's locker room was always booming with chaos while the girl's was completely quiet. But, in a way, I preferred the silence over the chaos any day.

But, a few seconds after I entered the locker room, I heard voices.

"Nice job Katniss!"

I turned to see Johanna, Madge, Gale and Finnick.

"Guys, I love you, but get out!" I exclaimed.

"What?" Finnick smirked. "Scared of some guys seeing you change?"

"You both have girlfriends," I reminded them.

Finnick tilted his head. "True that."

"You going to the party?" Madge asked.

I sighed and shook my head. "I can't, sadly. My parents want me home."

"Why?" Johanna asked. "You're going to miss the party of the year! Even Annie's joining us! ANNIE!"

I chuckled. Annie wasn't a big party person. I wondered for a little while how Finnick convinced her to go, before Johanna interrupted me from my thoughts.

"Brainless, we don't have all day, you know," she said teasingly, smirking.

"I'm having, like, a special guest or something at my house," I explained, rolling my eyes. "I don't know who the person is, but my parents said that I couldn't miss it."

"That sucks," Madge said. "We won't have much fun without you."

"No, I won't have much fun without you," Johanna corrected. "Those three are dating someone! I'm stuck all alone!"

I raised an eyebrow. "Sorry, Jo. Now, can you guys get out of here? I need to change."

They finally did, and I sighed in relief. I then checked my watch, and then my eyes widened. It was already 15 minutes after the game ended. My parents were going to kill me! I needed to rush. I literally threw off my uniform and changed into worn out jeans and a forest green t-shirt. I then placed the uniform in my designated locker that I called for myself in the beginning of the year. My school let people in sports use the lockers, and I made sure that I got number 12. It was my lucky number because it reminded me of my childhood, when I had a carefree nature and didn't have to worry about a thing. It was a nice time, and I should've exploited it when I had the chance.

I pushed the door and went out of the locker room. Oddly enough, the gym was practically empty, with a few adults talking in the corner. But, then again, the big party was about to start. Everyone except me went. I headed out of the gym and to the school exit, when someone stopped me.

"Hey, you."

I turned around to see a man who looked like he was in his early 40s. He had light brown hair, but also a few strands of gray. He was very tall, as he towered over me; but considering that I was really short, it wasn't an accomplishment. I faked a smile.

"Do you need anything?"

"Where's Mr. Cinna's room?" he asked, looking around. "I need to look for something."

I walked to the stairs and motioned for him to come up. True, I was in a hurry to get out and get home before my parents wondered where I was. But, I was just trying to be nice, something that didn't come along often, so he'd better be happy about it. When we were both up at the third floor, I walked to the hallway and motioned to the second room.

"This is Mr. Cinna's room," I told him. "I need to go now. Bye."

But before I could even take a couple steps, he grasped my wrist firmly.

"Actually," he started. "I think you should come in with me. You know, just in case."

"Just in case of what?" I looked at him angrily, not caring about the 'nice' thing anymore. "I have to go."

I tried to jerk myself off of him, but his grip was too strong. He wouldn't relent too. It was starting to hurt, no matter how pain-tolerant I was.

"Nope. You're coming in with me."

And before I knew it, I was dragged into the familiarity of my math teacher's room with the unfamiliarity of being dragged in by a complete stranger.

"It seems perfectly fine," I told him. "I'm going to leave."

But then what happened shocked me.

He flinged me over right in front of him, pushed us both to the floor, and started to kiss me.

* * *

I woke up to the beeping of a heart rate monitor. I shifted, to realize that I was in a completely different atmosphere. I wasn't in my forest green t-shirt and my worn out jeans anymore (they were placed in a plastic bag close to the door); instead, I was wearing an aquamarine hospital gown. Instead of the floor at my math teacher's room, I was tucked inside an uncomfortable hospital bed. And for some reason, my head felt like it was pounding. I've felt that before in an earlier field hockey game, except this one was much worse. And I hated that sensation.

I didn't feel secure here too, even though I probably should've since this is a hospital. After all, hospitals were supposed to help you. I've never felt uneasy about hospitals until now. I didn't know exactly why, though. I couldn't put my finger on it.

"Oh, you're awake."

I looked over to see a doctor with a clipboard.

"Well, my eyes are open," I snapped. "Why am I here?"

"Your teacher called me," the doctor explained. "He said that you were unconscious. Is your head pounding?"

I nodded, though that made my head hurt even more. "Yeah. But I was knocked out?"

"You were sleeping," the doctor stated. "I'm pretty sure you were knocked out." I mentally rolled my eyes. "I'm going to ask you a few questions to see whether or not you have amnesia. Are you ready?"

I narrowed my eyes to glare at him. "Just start interrogating me already."

He rolled his eyes, before looking back at his clipboard. But before he could start, I heard a knock at the door.

"Come in!" the doctor chimed.

A nurse comes in with Mr. Cinna. My eyes widened when I saw him (but they got back to their normal state quickly, because that made my head pounding worse). Was he the teacher that claimed I was knocked out?

"Doctor, the man wants to see her," the nurse said.

The doctor nodded. "Okay. Five minutes. But then I want to ask her a few questions."

Mr. Cinna nodded, agreeing with that. The nurse and the doctor left the room, and Mr. Cinna walked up to me. Cinna was his first name, but he preferred it more than his last name, so we just called him Mr. Cinna. He ended up sitting on the bed, turning his head my way.

"Do you remember who I am?" he asked.

I could recognize him anywhere. He had such an outlandish sense of fashion that you could recognize him a mile away. "You're Mr. Cinna, my math teacher."

He instantly broke into a smile. "You're correct."

I tried to move my head to scan the room, but once I tried, I felt the need to place my head back in the not-so-fluffy pillow. The room was silent for a minute. We both didn't know what we were supposed to say. But, then, he finally broke the ice.

"Do you know how you became unconscious? I literally just found you on the floor with your eyes closed and your clothes discarded."

My eyes were about to widen, but then I remembered the additional pain, and I stopped myself from widening my eyes. _My math teacher saw me... NAKED?_ "Um, you saw me nude?"

I could see a slight blush. "Yeah. But, don't worry, I'm not attracted to you or anything. I have a wife, and after my ex cheated on me, I've been against cheating."

I forced myself to smirk. "I can take that as an answer."

He smiled at me, but then his face went serious again. "But, seriously, how did you become unconscious? Did something happen during the game? Oh, and by the way, that was a great goal you shot."

I tried my best to smile without pain, but I would always wince. "Thank you."

"Now, Katniss, you can trust me," Mr. Cinna informed me. "You can trust me. Whatever is said in this room can stay between us."

I stayed silent for a few seconds. But, then I felt it. The large hands on my boobs. The chapped lips sucking on my neck. The pain throbbing in my core. The tear shedding every time he crashed into me. It came to me all at once. My head started to pound even more, if that was even possible, from all of the memories that rushed to me. I took a few deep breaths to calm down the pounding, and once the pounding became less severe, I opened my mouth to speak.

"I was raped."

Mr. Cinna's face stayed completely blank for quite some time. I was scared. _What did he think of me? Did his opinion of me change?_

But then his mouth opened. "I-I'm so sorry, Katniss."

"It's okay," I managed out. "It's not that big of a deal."

"Are you kidding? Of course it is!" Mr. Cinna exclaimed, which made my head hurt a little more. "Did you catch his name? Are you going to press charges?"

I got myself to shake my head lightly with very minimal pain. "I don't know who he is. Why would I press charges?"

Mr. Cinna nodded, but the reason why was unclear to me. We stayed silent for a little longer, before he said, "You can leave, you know. The doctor already checked your brain. You don't have a concussion."

I attempted to raise an eyebrow. "Then why does he want to ask me questions?"

He shrugged. "I don't know."

I got up, grabbed my clothes, slung on my winter coat, and left the room. I didn't care about my pounding head, or turning back, or even getting better. I needed to get back home. Mr. Cinna kept calling for me, offering to drive me home if I wanted. I just ignored him and kept walking. I didn't care about what he thought about that. My house was only a few minutes away, anyways.

I walked out, with surprisingly no one asking me why I was leaving. But, then I felt something soft fall onto my cheek: a snowflake.

More started to fall, and before I knew it, I was walking through a snowstorm. I was freezing cold. I could barely feel my legs. I hated asking people for help, but I wished that I actually took Mr. Cinna's offer and ridden in his car. Luckily, my house was only a few minutes far, or else I would probably have died from frostbite or something of that sort.

I took my key out of my pocket and fumbled with the lock. After a few tries with my shivering hand, the door finally opened, but weirdly enough, my parents weren't tapping their feet and waiting for me to appear. I was able to sneak upstairs (I had very light feet) and into my room. I got out my English folder and started to write on loose leaf paper. We started to work on a personal essay, and my teacher wanted us to write about our biggest struggle. I didn't know what to write, but eventually, I decided to write about accepting Rue into our family. Rue is Prim's (who was my little sister) best friend, and we took her in once we learned that her family was abusing her. However, that wasn't exactly _my_ struggle. It was Rue's. But I still wrote about it.

But, once I finished writing a few sentences, everything hit me. I was raped. I was raped by a stranger. I was raped in my math teacher's room. I was raped by a complete stranger. _I was raped._

* * *

I groggily woke up the next day with the sound of the alarm clock. It reminded me of the heart rate monitor at the hospital. My mind is taken back to yesterday. It wouldn't leave my mind. I groaned.

Oddly enough, I slept a deep sleep. But, it was just filled with nightmares. I couldn't get the memories out of my head. I could remember everything, from the sounds, to the pain, to the scents. Why couldn't I get it out of my head? It was just one moment of my life!

I got out of my bed, the cold air hitting me like the snowstorm yesterday. I went to the bathroom, but it was locked. I jiggled the doorknob a little more, before stomping my foot.

"Prim! Rue! Whoever's in there, can you please get out as soon as you can? I need to shower!" Prim, Rue, and I had to share a bathroom. It was complicated at times.

I watched as Prim and Rue walked out, donning matching outfits. I remembered then, that it was Spirit Week at their school. Twinning Day, to be exact.

I smiled and walked in, throwing my pajamas off and hopping into the shower. I immediately reached for the shampoo and conditioner, lathering and rinsing as well as I could.

My hands reached for the bar of soap. I looked down at my body. Sure, it looked the same as it did yesterday, but I was scolding myself. I felt dirty, and was I really that fat? I scoffed, roughly rubbing the soap all around my body. Once wasn't enough though. I still felt disgustingly dirty, even more dirty than I thought I was before. I scrubbed myself a second time, then a third, but eventually the bar of soap was gone. I couldn't get out of the shower though. I felt even more dirty than I was. So I grabbed the shampoo, and then scrubbed myself until the bottle was out. Same with the conditioner. At the end, my skin felt raw, and it was as red as a tomato, but I still felt dirty. My fingers and toes were turning into dried up raisins, though, so I knew I had to get out of the shower.

I wrapped a towel around myself, and walked back to my room. Then, I looked inside my wardrobe. I immediately went for my usual look, a t-shirt and some jeans. But, then I second guessed myself. That would be too revealing! I wondered how I was okay with wearing those in the first place, before searching my wardrobe for something much more conservative and loose. But, to my dismay, most of my clothes were either t-shirts or jeans. I eventually decided on a gray pair of sweatpants and a loose long sleeve green shirt. I then went for my collection of hair ties and started to braid my hair. At first, it felt weird as well. But then I reminded myself that everyone would question why I didn't have my braid on - and then they would question my new style as well - so I ended up tying the braid up.

I went downstairs and grabbed the wheat cereal - something only I would touch because my parents hated cereal and Prim and Rue preferred the sugary kinds - and grabbed a handful of it and stuffed it in my mouth. But, then afterwards, I almost choked. _I used to like this stuff?_ It felt and tasted weird in my mouth, but I swallowed it down anyways. But after that, I felt like I was about to throw up. It was just too disgusting. I grabbed my backpack and slung it over my shoulder.

"I'm going to school," I tell my family in a monotone voice. I was about to step out of the house before my mom stopped me.

"Wait, Katniss! Where were you yesterday? Why did you spend a whole lot of time in the shower today? Aren't you going to talk to us or something?"

My response to them was a slammed door.

* * *

Once I arrived to school, all anyone would talk about was the killer party at Thresh's. At first, I just shrugged it off. It was just a party. It's not a big deal. But by lunch time, I was the most annoyed person ever. I should've gone. Then my rape wouldn't have happened. I shouldn't have cared about my parents. Why couldn't I have been the rebellious teen that everyone had a phase of?

I grabbed a lunch tray. They were serving chicken nuggets - my favorite school food because it tasted like the McDonald's one (so what if I liked McDonalds?) - but at the look of it now, it didn't seem appetizing. I just went over to grab an apple, my favorite fruit, and went over to sit at my usual spot with Finnick, Annie, Johanna, Gale and Madge.

"You missed it!" They all said in unison.

I rolled my eyes, sitting down and taking a bite out of my apple. All of them kept rambling about the party, saying completely different things. Each and every second of it, I was getting more and more annoyed. But then, everyone went silent when Johanna said this:

"I had a one night stand!"

Everyone's eyes widened, except for mine. Instead, I let out a breath of relief. _Finally they were done with their talking...  
_

"Nice!" Finnick was the first to say something. He high fived Jo, and she broke out into a smile.

"I wasn't expecting you to lose it first," Annie admitted. "If anyone, it would be Gale and Madge together."

They both blushed furiously, but then started congratulating her with everyone else. I was just watching them in shock. Why would one be _happy_ about losing their virginity so early? She's only 16! I wished that she would've kept it, but at the same time, I couldn't control her. After my rape, it dawned on me. One shouldn't waste their virginity so early. I got mine stripped away from me! I couldn't approve of this.

"Katniss, what do you think?" Johanna asked me hopefully.

I looked her straight in the eye. "What I think, is that it was a huge mistake. One shouldn't squander their virginity like that! You should've saved it, before it's too late! You should've. You should've."

I felt myself start to cry, so I stood up and stormed out of the cafeteria. I heard them calling my name, but I ignored them and kept walking. I went inside the first room I found unlocked, which was the music room. Ms. Ashley had a huge grand piano in the middle of her room. I learned how to play the piano when I was little, but I hadn't practiced since I was ten. Seeing that no one was around, I sat down at the bench in front of it, and looked at the sheet music on the stand. _Paradise, by Coldplay._ Admittedly, I had always liked their music. But I read over the lyrics, and it sunk in. It wasn't just a typical song with a catchy tune anymore. _I related to it. It was my reality._

I pressed the piano keys that made up a G major chord. Oddly enough, it felt comforting. Soothing, even. I haven't played the piano in so long, because my parents had to sell my piano. But, it gave me solace. As I transitioned to C major, I felt myself get absorbed into the song. For a moment, I forgot I was in public. I found myself singing the lyrics on the page.

_When she was just a girl_

_She expected the world_

_But it flew away from her reach_

_So she ran away in her sleep_

_And dreamed of para, para, paradise_

_Para, para, paradise_

_Para, para, paradise_

_Every time she closed her eyes_

Unluckily, though, I underestimated the distance between E minor and B major, so instead, I hit A minor. I scrunched my face up a little bit, resting my hands on the repositioned B major. And I was about to play from where I left off.

Before someone brought me back to reality.

"You know, you have a really good voice."

My eyes widened, but I regained my composure as I turned around. Right inside the door frame was a man with blond hair and the bluest eyes I had ever seen (it looked like he was wearing colored contacts, but I shook off that theory). He was muscular: not Taylor Lautner muscular, but muscular enough that it wasn't overly obvious. He was... good-looking, at the least. But, I stood up and tried to storm out of the room. Key word: tried. He grabbed ahold of me and wouldn't let me go.

"The birds stop singing to listen to you. Your voice is so perfect."

I tried to stay stoic, holding back my scowl. But, eventually, he loosened the grip on me and I was able to escape. I stomped through the hallway and ended up somewhere in the library. I just sat down and cried. Heavily, actually. It was to the point where the librarian went over to me and asked if I needed help, but I just shooed her away. In my mind, yes, I thought I was sane.

But in reality, I was messed up.

* * *

It came to the time where I had to lug myself to the familiarity, yet unfamiliarity of the girls locker room. It was before field hockey practice, the practice before the big game. It was the exact same as I had left it: the smell of perfume and sweat, my tote stuff into my locker, the pink walls written on by Sharpie and red lipstick. But, I felt a wave of insecurity wash over me, as if somebody was watching me change. It was a weird sensation.

So, when the doorknob jiggled, fear took over me and I hid myself inside the closet.

I looked out of the peephole made inside of the locker. Of course, it was only Glimmer, a girl from my Chemistry class who was just looking for her mascara. Relief washed over me, but I couldn't allow myself to get out. I attempted to force myself out, but it was probably all in my head, as I wouldn't budge one bit.

It took approximately five minutes after I heard the door close for me to finally gain the courage to hop out of the locker. I still didn't feel safe in the environment; something was just unsettling about it. Eventually, I started shivering and deemed that I couldn't take any more of this. I changed back into my regular (well, I wouldn't call it regular, seeing that I only started wearing these clothes today) clothes and went out to seek Haymitch.

And, of course, when I did see him, I was called out by him.

"Hey, shorty, you planning on joining us at last?"

I dared myself to approach him. His face was tinted red; he obviously had a few drinks before now. I shook my head.

"No," I stated curtly.

He rolled his eyes. "You know, if you were planning on skipping, you probably should've just not showed up."

I just dumped my uniform in his arms, to look up to a shocked expression. I decided to just walk away, turning around to see a faux angry expression instead.

"What, shorty, you're quitting?!"

I just smirked and pushed the doors to get out of the gym. Oddly enough, it felt really good to leave. Field hockey has always been my favorite sport since I was little. It was weird to think I would be happy to quit my favorite sport instead of sad.

I walked myself back to my house. I didn't really have a choice. Staying at school would probably make me have to confront a classmate or a teacher, going anywhere in public would most likely exhibit the same results. Hopefully I could just sneak into my room without anyone realizing.

But, like always, the odds weren't in my favor, and my mom's head immediately turned to the door once I had entered.

"Katniss Everdeen! What has gotten into you?! You can't just slam the door when your mother is trying to ask you questions! Who gave you life?! Me! You could at least show me some respect."

I threatened to scowl at her, but I determined that she wasn't even worth the scowl. Instead, I just walked up the stairs and went into my green-donned room, slamming the door behind me just to peeve off my mom a little more. Then, I took out my English writing that I started yesterday. Truthfully, I had never finished, and my teacher responded with a 0 until I did finish my rough draft. I had to work on it.

After writing a few sentences, my door squeaked open.

"Hey, Katniss? Are you okay?"

I looked over to see Prim and Rue. I forced a smile.

"I'm fine. I just need privacy."

"Are you sure?" Rue asked cautiously. "You haven't been yourself lately."

"And don't deny it too," Prim announced sassily. "I noticed the wardrobe change. I thought you hated sweatpants."

"Well, I don't," I snapped, turning back to the writing.

Rue stepped forward. "Katniss, we know you're not okay, but can you just please talk to us-"

"Just leave!" I screamed. Immediately afterwards, I regretted it. That was a dead giveaway that something was wrong. I hated snapping at Prim and Rue like that. I grunted, trying to keep on a straight face as the two left. I then smiled and let out the sigh I was holding in. Then, I continued writing, feeling slightly guilty that I was writing about Rue's experience (especially since I just snapped at her). But, I ignored the feeling, and eventually, I became the emotionless stone that I was going for.

* * *

"Katniss, can I see you after class?"

I looked up at Mr. Cinna, holding back a scoff. I didn't do anything wrong. At least, not in this class. My English teacher is getting annoyed because of how behind I am with my writing, and whenever my Science teacher would call on me unexpectedly, I would just stay silent.

I waited until the entire class was gone (which actually was the norm, ever since the day after I became emotionless, I stayed in the room until everyone was gone - it was just easier that way). Then, I finally went up to Mr. Cinna.

"Wait here, Katniss," he told me. I just blinked as he went out of the room, waiting for a couple minutes until the bell rung, signifying that I was late to class. I didn't really care. It was Economics I'd be late for. Not a big deal.

But I had to stop my eyes from widening when I saw _him_.

"Katniss, do you mind tutoring Peeta? He's not understanding the formulas."

I held a scoff. As if I would tutor _him._ Peeta, was it? Named after a bread? It was pathetic.

Sensing my silence, Mr. Cinna grabbed my arm and dragged me aside.

"Katniss, you have to tutor him," he stated firmly.

I scoffed for real that time. "Why?!" I snapped. It was the first time I heard my voice in two weeks. It sounded weirder than how I remembered it.

He sighed. "I know that you're still a little shaken from what happened a couple weeks ago, but you need to do something! Your grades are declining, I don't see you at the hockey games anymore, and I heard from your dad in the parent-teacher conferences that you're cooped in your room when you're not in school. You need to do something!"

I growled softly, before forcing out, "I have to, don't I?"

He nodded. "Yep." He popped the p.

I sigh in defeat, succumbing to him. "Fine. I'll tutor him."

"Don't tell me," he commanded. "Tell him."

He motioned to Peeta. I grunted, before going up to the blue-eyed individual and saying, "Fine. I'll tutor you."

I swore that a scowl appeared on my face as soon as he smiled. Widely. He was overly optimistic. I _hated_ when people were overly optimistic.

"That's great!" he smiled even more, if that was even possible.

I was about to narrow my eyes to glare at him, but I decided he wasn't even worth it. We were both stuffed late passes to hand to our teachers, and we both walked out of the room. Peeta was trying - err, failing - to make small talk. I tried to keep my gaze forward to the depths of the narrow hallway cluttered with torn homework and tests.

But of course, he wouldn't have that.

"So when do you want to meet?"

I didn't look at him. "After school. Library," I spat.

"Sure," he said nonchalantly, as if he didn't really care. _Yep, the guy that smiled so widely when I said I would tutor him didn't even care. Yep._

We kept walking in a fallen silence, but, of course, he just _had_ to break it.

"Hey, I'm sorry, about that singing compliment a couple weeks ago. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable or anything. Your voice is just amazing. I just wanted to inform you of that-"

"Just stop talking before I get a headache, okay?"

I turned to him; it was the first time I've ever looked into his cerulean eyes. And, somehow, they looked so fake that I knew that they were real. Admittedly, they were beautiful. Dazzling. Gorgeous, even.

And then I felt my gaze go down to his amazing jaw line and cheekbones, and then down to his chest. I was tempted to touch his chest, to beg him to take his shirt off, but then I mentally shook my head and scolded myself. _You just got raped, Katniss. Don't get any ideas and **don't** get yourself into any more trouble._

He was perfect. Flawless. And I just _hated_ that.

"This is my class." He interrupted my train of thoughts. "Thought you should know because you've been gawking at me for quite some time now."

For a moment, I just blinked. _Was I really staring at him for that long?_ But once he smirked at me, I shot him one of my famous scowls, before turning my heel and walking away.

I knew right then and there that this would be the longest tutoring session I have ever taught. _Ever._

* * *

I absolutely dreaded the moment that the bell rung to signify that school was over.

I had to spend time with _him._ No matter how good-looking he was, he had major faults in his personality. He was _insanely_ cocky. He talked so much that it made me want to vomit. And he thought he was so perfect. It annoyed me, to say the least.

Bystanders watched me as I stomped angrily through the hallway, commenting on how it was the first time they saw some emotion from me in a while. I couldn't care less about what they had to say about me.

I hastily opened my locker and buried my face in it, before throwing my backpack into it. Then, I took out my math textbook and slammed it shut. At this point, I just wanted to get it over with. The earlier I started, the earlier I finished. And the earlier I finished, the better.

I turned around to meet gazes with the two people I despised (well, besides Peeta).

Their names were Cato and Clove.

They were the leaders of the popular group, but in this school, they were called the Careers. They pretty much were the wealthiest students here, and I was at one time envious of them because they were so rich while my parents were fighting in poverty. Annie would always say that I'm so skinny because of that, and that I should be happy about that because I turned out a beautiful girl.

Of course, I had never believed her.

"Hi Kat Kat!" Clove said in a way-too-high-pitched voice. I had almost threw up at it. It was repulsive, disgusting.

Cato trapped me on the door of my closed locker in between his arms. "You know, you're looking rather ravishing today."

Whether that was supposed to be a compliment or not, I felt insulted by it. It was both the context and the tone.

Clove tried to stuff her face with us. "In other words, he really likes you."

Immediately, I knew that was a lie. Clove and Cato were so into each other, it wasn't even funny. In other words, you would have to be blind to not realize that they liked each other.

"Don't you like me too, Kitty Kat?" Cato's face was getting too close for comfort. "It's not hard to. I already know I'm perfect."

And before I knew it, he was leaning forward rather quickly, and I shoved him away as hard as I could. He fell into the ground, and Cato and Clove were looking straight at me.

"Don't. Even. Think. About. It," I spat at them. I then turned my heel and walked as fast as I could to any place where I could be alone. Usually, I would go to the library, but it would probably be packed with people studying.

I looked around me. There was a door open; one that was usually not.

It led to the roof.

It was suitable for me. No one ever dared to go to the roof. It was off-limits, and if you were caught there, you would be automatically suspended for who-knew-how-long.

Looking around to see if anyone (or, specifically, any teacher) was watching me, I walked over to the blue door and slipped through it. My petite body seemed to benefit me, as the door barely creaked when I squeezed myself through. Then, I went up the narrow stairs, making sure not to be too loud (my light feet benefitted me for that). After lots of climbing, I saw a small square shaped door-thing that looked like one that would lead up to an attic. I pushed it open, and voila: the roof.

I pulled myself up, the cold breeze rushing through my body. It might have not been the best idea to go outside with only a long sleeve shirt and sweatpants during winter, but at that point, I was desperate.

I was immediately reminded of _that day_, and Cato attempting to kiss me did not help me forget. Like _that day_, it plagued my thoughts. I didn't even realize that I was pacing all around the roof. Eventually, I looked down to the ground. It was probably a three story drop or so. Suddenly, it felt like a good idea to jump from the height; pain seemed more desirable than remembering. I was about to, until a familiar voice stopped me.

"STOP!"

I turned to look at the blond individual. "Stop what?" I feigned oblivion.

"Katniss, I know you were going to jump," he said cautiously. "Don't."

"Give me a suitable reason why," I challenged him, unawarely walking towards him.

"Because..." He started strong at first, but then faltered into a mutter that I couldn't even hear.

"Because, what, scaredy-cat?" I almost smirked.

"Because I love you!" he exclaimed, and I swore, at that moment, my eyes could've popped out of my sockets. I just couldn't believe him.

"Wh-wh-what?" I had never stuttered in my life. I will admit, I am very bad at words. But, I have never stuttered. But this man - this handsome jerk - was the first to make me stutter. I couldn't believe that either.

"I love you, okay?" he said in a softer tone. "I've loved you ever since that day when you were singing and playing the piano. Not exactly love at first sight, I don't know. You're just so breathtakingly beautiful, and God-damn-it, I'm usually better at talking than this. I should stop rambling right now, but I'm not lying. I love you, love you so much. You don't even know."

Oddly, all I could muster was a nod.

It stayed silent for quite a while - you could cut the tension in the air with a knife - until a smile appeared on his face.

"So, are you ready to teach me quadratics?"

I walked over to him - almost eagerly - and he wrapped his arm on my shoulder.

"How did you figure out I was up there?" I asked him, feeling the warm air hit me. Goosebumps formed on my skin. _Man, __I should've stayed inside._

I didn't even have to look at him to know that he was smirking. "Lucky guess."

* * *

"Are you sure that I should do this?" I asked him uneasily.

Because I had strained most of my relationships I had before, Peeta decided that it would be best to invite them all over to his house so then I could apologize to them. I would always tell him that he was just doing this to get rid of me. After that, he reassured me that he was just doing that because he cared.

But, of course, I didn't have to believe him.

"Positive," he smiled at me.

"But why not you?" I whined. "You're better at words than I am."

He tilted his head, pretending to ponder. "Yes, true, but this is _your_ relationships that you're saving, not mine."

I scowled at him. He was always right, and I just _hated_ that about him. "Screw you."

"You know you love me," he smiled.

"That, I do," I brought myself onto my toes to peck his cheek. We have been dating since that tutoring session - mostly because, at that time, I just needed someone stable to lean on - and, no matter how much I don't want to admit it, it had been one of the best two weeks of my life. We had been going slow - only holding hands, hugs, wrapping his arm around my shoulder, and pecks on the cheek were acceptable for me - but he had been fine with it. _As long as we're together, _he would always say.

And after that, I would pretend to barf.

"Are you sure that I can do it?" Worry washed through my eyes.

"You're Katniss Everdeen. You're unstoppable," he gave me a reassuring smile that lifted weights off of my shoulder. "You can do this. Don't worry."

I nodded. "Okay."

I walked out from the kitchen to the living room, and once everyone's eyes were on me, I wanted to shrivel down into a microscopic raisin.

"Um, hi," I shyly waved, awkwardly standing there like a deer caught in headlights.

"Okay, Brainless, just cut to the chase," Johanna snapped. "Why are we here?"

I smiled internally. _That was the Johanna I knew._ "I would just like to apologize for my behavior for this last month or so. I guess it was uncalled for."

"No doubt about that," I heard Brutus mutter, but I ignored it.

"But hear me out. I think you'll understand why by the end of this."

Everyone was looking at me attentively, so I was pretty sure that I captured their attention. I took a deep breath, before continuing.

"Okay, so a month ago, on January 24, I was raped."

There were a few gasps (most of which were from my mom) and a lot of them looked at me sympathetically.

"It was right after the hockey game. I was walking out of the school. All of a sudden, a guy came up to me and asked where Mr. Cinna's room was. I showed him, but when I was about to leave, he dragged me into his room and forced himself onto me. It was absolutely disgusting.

"I was messed up at the time. Suddenly, it was as if I was a different person. I transformed into a girl that I knew wasn't me. I looked at myself in the mirror and didn't even recognize myself.

"While I was struggling to find myself, I gave up what I already had: what would've been a great support for me for this time. I kind of threw away everything that I had, everything that I loved. I just couldn't admit that, I was lost. In a world that was completely foreign to me." I laughed to myself. "I thought that being emotionless and silent would help me, but obviously, it did the exact opposite. Luckily Peeta was able to pick up the pieces and let me start over, or else, who knows how much of a trainwreck I would be right now."

Prim and Rue broke into a smile as I headed over to them.

"Mom, Dad, Prim, Rue, I'm sorry for how I treated you guys. You guys didn't deserve to be the victims of my hurt, so I'm sorry." I was about to turn away, but then I met eyes with Rue. "Oh, and Rue, I'm sorry for using your story for my benefit."

Confusion was evident in her voice. "Wha-?"

"All will be explained later," I smiled at her before going to my former hockey team. "I'm sorry for quitting right before the big game. You guys didn't deserve that, and if you guys are willing, I would love to come back into the team?"

The statement came out more as a question than a statement. The team pretended to talk it out (they were just mumbling random jibberish) until Haymitch turned to me.

"We did adapt without you," he started, but then he sighed dramatically. "But, if you're willing to learn the changes to the play, we can squeeze you in."

I smiled faintly. "Thank you, Haymitch," I said as politely as I could. Then, I walked over to what used to be my best friends.

"And lastly, I'm sorry, you guys. For walking out on you guys, for ignoring your texts and calls, for not paying attention to any of you guys, everything. And Johanna,"

She turned to me and looked at me straight in the eye, the first time that day.

"I'm sorry for that day."

She stayed stoic for a while, which scared me. But then she smirked. "Well, I do call you Brainless for a reason."

* * *

I felt myself beaming while walking home with my family. Prim joked that it was the longest time she had ever seen me smile for. And, oddly enough, that just made me smile more.

My cheeks were starting to hurt, but I couldn't stop. I finally got myself back; I finally got out of that bottomless pit and am back to being me.

Once we got home, we shared a little family hug before disbanding into our rooms. It had been a long day, and we all wanted to go to sleep. Well, at least, Mom and Dad did. Prim and Rue were planning on watching Titanic.

"Do you want to watch with us?" Prim asked me.

I shook my head politely. "No, it's okay. I have something else to do."

They both nodded and went to the living room. Meanwhile, I went upstairs to my room. I sat down on my desk, and my phone vibrated.

_I'm happy 4 u :)_ ~Peeta

I smiled and found myself typing on the screen.

_Thank u :) I'm just happy that I'm able 2 get pass the rape and live my life_ ~Katniss

_That's good 2 hear :)_ ~Peeta

_Stop with the smiley faces it's getting annoying_ ~Katniss

_Yes ur highness :D_ ~Peeta

I smiled, before turning my phone off and going on my computer. The English assignment about my biggest struggle was due tomorrow, and I needed to add the finishing touches. I read through the piece once more. It still aggravated me that it was Rue's story and not mine. I felt bad for using her story. It wasn't fair to anyone.

But then, an idea rushed through my head. I made a new page and started typing, hoping that my teacher wouldn't mind of the sudden change of topics.

_This isn't a story about how I lost my innocence unwillingly to a complete stranger. It's a story about how I let it affect me more than it should've._

It didn't shock me that I got an 100 on that assignment.

* * *

**This is probably one of my favorite oneshots to date. Yes, okay, it is one of my longest, but I had so much fun writing it. I didn't even have to think a lot about it; I went with the flow and this entire thing came out of it. I'm really proud.**

**Rape is really a sensitive topic for me. I was raped last year on this date: January 24. I wanted to write this to prove that you can get past whatever life throws at you.**

**But let me just tell you this: this isn't a story about my rape and I just substituted Katniss instead of me. Yes, I have to admit, I was raped almost exactly the same way as her (instead of after a field hockey game, it was after a math course my dad made me take). And it was also discovered by my math teacher and I was knocked out as well and sent to the hospital. But, we both reacted completely different to it. Admittedly, I kept breaking down and crying for a month or so while fretting that I could be pregnant. I just wanted to show that it could vary from person to person.**

**I was going to post this yesterday, because posting it today would've brought me down, but I decided against it. I AM over the rape.**

**This is my first time writing a fanfic in past tense, and I actually really like past tense. I'm definitely going to use it more often from now on. But, note, since this is my first time writing in past tense, there may be some mistakes. So, all mistakes are mine.**

**I'm actually really sad because I changed seats in Spanish and now I can't write as much as I used to. Expect less updates and uploads from now on. However, I can still write on loose leaf paper during school. That won't change.**

**I really like Coldplay. They have really great songs. I was actually debating for Katniss to either sing The A Team or Paradise, but with the help of a friend, I chose Paradise. Thank you!**

**I actually really like playing field hockey. Believe it or not, I'm a great goalie :)**

**On another note, I am planning on a lot more Hunger Games modern AUs for Everlark. If you like those things, please follow me! I'm working on one right now actually, and it should be up ASAP :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything, including The Hunger Games, Paradise by Coldplay, and everything else I'm forgetting to mention.**

**Anyways, thank you guys for reading and I hope you guys enjoyed it. Please review, favorite, and I hope to see you guys later :)**


End file.
